Written by Garrett Brown – December 1st, 2023
WASHINGTON D.C. – Within minutes of his historic expulsion from the House of Representatives, producers of the musical Chicago announced that they are currently planning to negotiate with George Santos to join the long running musical in any role, immediately – and if anyone has his number to speed up the process, please share.
“Honestly, we will give George Santos any role he wants,” gasped producer Jimmy Hammel, unable to contain his excitement while flipping through a phone book. “Billy Flynn? Velma Kelly? Roxie Hart? Hell, if he just wants to walk on during intermission with a random baby, we will throw money at him as long as we can put his name above the title on our poster.”
Producer Sandra Chang, seen sweating profusely with excitement, told reporters that although he may be only the sixth member of Congress to be expelled from office, she would be proud to welcome Santos to the Chicago family.
“Yes, Santos may have allegedly defrauded his constituents and disgraced the office he was elected to serve, but honesty we’ve stunt casted way worse,” exclaimed Chang, holding her phone out while waiting for you to put Santos’ number in. “Can he sing or dance? Not sure and I don’t care. Just please, please, please, George, if you’re listening, we need to get you in for at least a four month run before you actually have to report to prison.”
George Santos has not responded to the Chicago team, reportedly mulling over an offer to don a mask and cloak and take over haunting the basement of the US Capitol.